How many of us go about our lives taking things personally and creating drama and suffering from it? 🙋♀️
For those of us who have children that have a hard time at school or in friendships, we often tell them to ignore the mean comments their peers say to them, but we struggle to integrate that advice into our own lives.
Pretty much my whole teen and adult life I believed that if someone said something mean or against my beliefs I would either react, respond, or defend my beliefs (sometimes creating conflicts) 🤬
Why wouldn’t I? I have been raised to stick up for myself, hold my own, I’ve also focused my attention on being a ‘strong female’ for the last 20 years!🐱🚀
In the past, having conversations or talking about controversial topics with people that did not agree would cause me so much frustration. Why could people not get where I was coming from or see my point of view??. 😖
I took it personally.
I understand now that the desire to try to make people understand my point of view or opinion came from my lack of self-worth.
If I was not right about things from other peoples perspectives, that would mean I was not good enough or educated enough, if people didn’t understand me, believe or value my opinion, they would think I was a fraud or a liar despite the good intentions I always had delivering that information.
Now I know none of that matters – for me, there is no wrong or right anymore. ☺
I really couldn’t give a shit.
The truth is that we all have our own individual belief systems, we all came from different backgrounds, cultures, religions, we went through different levels of education, and lived in different environments.
The truth is that we all have our own individual perspectives on things.
We confuse our beliefs with our core values.
Our beliefs come from how we were raised in childhood and in adult life they come from where we have been putting our attention… friends, social media, tv, the career we choose, etc..
This creates our perceptions, as a result, drives our behaviours/actions and creates our individual world.
What I find interesting is that we think we understand and accept this on the surface, but we still take things personally regardless of where we have come from or how much we say we agree.
How many times have we said, ‘we can agree to disagree’, and then walk away having inner conflict? Our minds start to create an inner war inside our head exhausting us and depleting us of energy and we can become the victim … and then make assumptions… (read my post on assumptions here)
We get stuck in cycles and patterns. It creates drama and suffering, for some, it triggers anxiety or depression, a feeling of loneliness or rejection. 😥
If we all began with exploring where the trauma or self-worth wounds originated from (for me it was childhood/teen years) and make an effort to heal this we could go about our lives with a whole different perspective … (for me, that meant unlearning ALL my beliefs)
We give so much of our power away when we take things personally. We attach our need to be right and win to feel validated.
How much better would our relationship with ourselves and others be if we all had full buckets of self-worth?
We wouldn’t take anything personally anymore.
When we are healthy and whole – we truly respect everyone as sovereign beings. We wouldn’t feel the need to want to control or manipulate other people’s beliefs.
We could choose to respect their beliefs or walk away from them if they did not resonate (creating constant conflict)
We would have so much self-respect, we wouldn’t care if we were validated or not, we wouldn’t care if people agreed with our beliefs, and they wouldn’t care if we agreed with their beliefs.
No more kicking off!! 💪
World peace right there! 🌎😇
When I work with some of my clients I teach them that when going into an uncomfortable or difficult conversation, they can still have their beliefs, opinions, and core values but if they can hold an intention to not have attachments to win or be right the end result can create a whole different dynamic to a relationship. The art of respectful conversation requires deep listening and having no agendas.
I have other clients who wouldn’t even bother going into any conversations with their beliefs, opinions, or values – because they are dismissed or shut down! 🙈 (That’s a whole other post)
I’ve always had an open mind about ANY subject and I’ve never been afraid of expressing my beliefs, but I now go into those conversations with a curiosity – ‘What can I learn about here?’ Or ‘How can I create questions that will help me understand more of where this person is coming from?’ The result is a deeper, more meaningful conversation, even if the other person has not got the same intentions.
Self-worth comes from knowing who you are, knowing your truth, and your own level of awareness of the world you have created for yourself.
Accepting that we have a choice in all aspects of our lives to change the cycles and patterns that cause us to take things personally is a starting point.
It is never too late to do this work, and it’s never too late to change what you are focusing your attention on.